IS IT TIME FOR “THE TALK”? (No, not that talk.)

​Hard conversations are usually the most important ones. Whether or not our children ask the questions, sometimes we feel inadequate in our conversations about important matters. I hope what follows will help equip you to have “The Talk” with your child.
 
Don’t worry, this isn’t the awkward “birds and the bees” talk (as crucial as those talks are). This conversation is potentially even more impactful because it goes to the heart of our worldview, our approach to parenting, and all that we want for our children.

The conversation can begin with you. Or it may be prompted by your son or daughter’s question:
 
“Why do I go to WCS?”
 As students get older, they question everything. That is not an annoying glitch in their software; that is a feature of their God-given design. We should question everything and test it against the Truth (2 Corinthians 13:5, 1 John 4:1, 1 Timothy 4:16). Our children should be curious about the school choice of their parents. They should know why we invest in Christian education and why it matters over other priorities.
 
Have you ever sat down with your children and explained the reasons? They not only deserve to know, but their understanding of your parental priorities will also help them appreciate their education on another level and will help model mature decision-making.
 
As students get older and face the inevitable challenges of adolescence in the middle and high school years, the question sometimes changes:
 
“Can I transfer to a different school?”
 That, too, is a great question. It means the child is considering their experience and weighing their educational options. Should students have a voice in where they go to school? Absolutely! Especially as students get older, we should seek their viewpoints, discuss their goals and frustrations, and probe their underlying motivations. That is healthy parenting.
 
But at Wilmington Christian School, we believe the final say in that discussion lies with parents. We hold to Proverbs 22:6, where God commands parents to “Train up a child in the way he should go . . . .” We hold to Deuteronomy 6:4–9 where God commands parents to surround their children with biblical instruction daily. We hold to Ephesians 6:4, where God commands parents (specifically fathers) to bring children up “in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
 
Students should, of course, have a voice. But parents have the authority. There is a reason God did not say, “Let the child train himself up in the way he thinks he should go . . . .”
 
Why? Because children are an incredible blessing from God, and we love them, but let’s face it: they are not always the pinnacle of sound judgment. We don’t let 12-year-olds vote, let 15-year-olds join the Army, or let 13-year-olds drive.
 
Why? Because God, who created and designed us, knows we come into the world under the curse of sin. We are born in ignorance, with our hearts bent toward rebellion. We are not, because of our sin nature, naturally prone to seek out God’s best over our selfish desires. Like us, children and adolescents struggle with many things, but their struggle is compounded by a profound lack of maturity and an absence of real-world experience that helps put those struggles into a better perspective. A few things we know:
 
1. Adolescents have little idea who they really are (their true identity).
2. Adolescents do not successfully delineate between what they want in the moment and what they truly need.
3. Adolescents have lots of energy but are flooded with hormones. Hormones do not make judgment clearer.
4. Adolescents often have dreams that are not based on reality.
5. Adolescents struggle with gratitude and often think the grass is so much greener anywhere else but where they are now.
 
That is why we believe that while it is important to discuss educational options with our children, it is not wise to take the one parental decision that will have the most significant impact on a child’s future—the decision as to who, aside from parents, will most shape the worldview of impressionable, searching, and vulnerable children for 40+ hours every week—and hand that decision over to the child to make.
 
So, how should we as parents respond if our child asks to go to a secular school? Perhaps, we can say:
 
To the child who feels they don’t fit in . . .
“Emma, I love you. And I know you do not like school right now. It feels as though you are not making friends, or that your friend group keeps changing, but just changing schools will not resolve the real issue. You will face new people all throughout life and the best place to learn how to navigate friendships (and even conflicts) is in a school where the Biblical truths of kindness, hospitality, peacemaking, and reconciliation are taught.”
 
To the child who has dreams of playing sports at the secular school . . .
“Justin, I love you. And I know you want to play your sport at another school. But much more important in your life is your spiritual and academic future. I cannot sacrifice that for anything. I love you too much to put you under the influence of teachers, coaches, and friends who have other agendas and do not have your best interest in mind. We can explore township sports and travel teams, but when it comes to your schooling, Christian education is non-negotiable.”
 
To the child who doesn’t like the rules . . .
“Amber, I love you. And I know you would prefer to wear other clothes and that you don’t like some of the rules at school. But your true character and integrity aren’t revealed by how well you obey rules that you like. True character is revealed by how you respond to authorities and rules you don’t like. No place is perfect, but your spiritual formation is not something I’m willing to sacrifice to a secular school.”
 
To the child whose friends are leaving for another school . . .
“Zach, I love you. And I know several of your friends might be leaving for other schools. But God does not hold me responsible for the choices other parents make. God holds me accountable for you. And I know that Christian school is the best thing for you. And I also know what real faith means. It means that despite how it feels right now, choosing to be obedient and to live God’s way will bring blessing, and that God probably has other and newer school friendships waiting for you.”
 
Every school choice is a trade-off. No matter what the website or brochure says, no school offers everything to everyone perfectly. Ultimately, it all comes down to priorities and how we view what’s most important in the battle for the hearts and minds of our children.
 
Remember, parents, God did not call us to a life of comfort, free from struggle (even the struggle of a child who prefers a school change). God calls us to train up our children in the most Biblical way possible and give them every opportunity to turn their hearts toward Him.
 
Thank you for fighting that battle with us!
Educating for Eternity,
Jonathan Nazigian
WCS Headmaster

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